I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
