The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
