why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
