How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
