Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
