he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
