I can text with my tongue
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
