White coat. Heels.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
