Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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