girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
