Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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