if only i could text you this smell
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
bring money and cleavage
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
