would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
