So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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