I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
