pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
