Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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