Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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