so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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