you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
