She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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