I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
