That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
