overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
