Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
