He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
