My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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