i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
