your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
