I wish you could order shots online.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
