She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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