So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
