I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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