Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
