Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
