god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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