i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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