If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
