I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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