did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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