Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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