The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just high enough for therapy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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