worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
