No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
