I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
