can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
