so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
