he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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