Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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