Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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