i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
