I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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