Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
